The gaps in my YouTube upload schedule tell a story. Keep reading to get in-depth insight on my post-graduate journey and how it correlates to my consistent to inconsistent upload patterns when it comes to making videos for YouTube. In a nutshell, it’s called: Life. That beautiful experience we’re all going through… filled with ups and downs. But as long as we get back up, right? Yes.
- December 10, 2016: Graduated college
- January 2, 2017: Started YouTube
- April 18, 2020: Here’s a 3 year and some change post-grad update
On New Years Eve, I celebrated bringing in 2017 by batch filming my first videos for YouTube on a consistent level. It wasn’t my first time creating videos, but it was the first time I started taking it seriously. I quit blogging and decided video was the best medium for the new type of content I wanted to begin creating.
Back in the Fall of 2012—which was my freshman year of college—I started a blog called LeeleeSpeaks that went through a phase of different names, site builders, topics and writing styles until I found my voice. The blog started with miscellaneous topics covering celebrity gossip, music, fashion, food, sex & relationships, etc… until I niched down and turned it into an Entertainment news site. This is where I dropped the latest facts in the entertainment world (celebrity news, interviews, music, TV/movie reviews, etc) and gave a snippet of my 2 cents at the end of each article. It later moved toward a miscellaneous site again but more updated to my skillset. During these years, I taught myself how to build a website (I actually set up my first site senior year of high school for a project) and took the journalism and mass communication skills I was learning in my college classes (AP style, photography, engaging writing, etc) to build towards the creation I birthed.
Everything I produce via the internet is self-taught and perfected by way of my time through getting my multimedia degree (along with personal learning time, effort & dedication). Even though talking about what’s going on in the world of entertainment isn’t something I do anymore, it served its purpose and equipped me with knowledge and skills I will always use.
The transition from blogging to video:
My blogging/news writing days fizzled out sometime in 2015/16, transitioning the site into a self-titled web portfolio/blog on fun + helpful topics that I had knowledge on and wanted to share. Like the one about what happens when you stop eating meat.
After graduating from my university in the winter of 2016, I decided I wanted to extend a college project of mine, which was “Thrive During College,” a 2-minute tip series on college life (5 episodes), and turn it into a real series. At first, since I used to blog and always had a website up since 2012, I thought maybe I’d write blog posts for TDC. I wrote and published a couple then quickly realized that video would be better and made the switch immediately. About a week or 2 later, I recorded this video, along with many more that grew into the channel I run today.
Throughout 2017, I kept you updated on my post-grad happenings through quarter-yearly blog posts and videos when it came to student loans, employment, social life, mental state and accomplishments. My reasoning for doing this was to document the experience of someone who graduated from college and keep it real on some of the things many grads face but never talk about. If you’re not on social media sharing that amazing job you got offered or grad school news, it almost seems like your story is irrelevant and the pressure is x10. Which isn’t the case, even if it feels like it at the moment because always remember that you’re not the only one and that big things will seem small once you overcome it.
The Real Reason I’ve Been Inconsistent On YouTube
In this blog post, I’m going to be very candid and let you know some things that’s been going on in my life since the end of 2017 that’ll explain the many hiatuses I’ve taken from YouTube after being so consistent with it the first year. Not gonna lie, this is hard for me because I’m an extremely private person. Half the things you’re about to read, people who know me don’t even know. Though, let’s not get crazy. You only getting the surface of what I don’t mind you knowing 😉
Let’s take it back to when I moved to Dallas, TX—the first time (yes, there was more than one time). Due to moving around a lot since a my youth, relocating isn’t a challenge for me. That comes with a set of psychological behaviors that all of us uniquely have, which further explains our reasonings for going about things the way we do. However, that’s not what this written piece is about.
Before continuing, I recommend reading this blog post covering my 1-year post-grad update to get familiar where I’m picking up from.
I got to Texas the night before Thanksgiving 2017, about 2 weeks before an entire year after graduating. I went out there after my mom and sister, though it took me a minute to decide if I really wanted to go. Once my sister graduated high school and the apartment lease was up, I was blessed enough to stay with some extended family, work 2 jobs for 3 months and prepare my car for that 15-hour drive. A drive I’ve done a total of 4 times, never alone though. It’s actually not a bad drive to be honest. The Southeast region is a straight shot to Dallas. Plus, road trips can be fun if you make it fun, making it a point to see different cities and their vibes.
Let’s get a little personal…
When I first moved, I was trying to mend my little broken heart from a smooth playa who tried it. At the time, it had been a while since my breakup and y’all know I don’t do relationship hopping. I did talk to someone briefly around graduation time, but it wasn’t my cup of tea. Since I don’t take union lightly, my prospect stage isn’t either… and I’m already not fond of folks that easily, regardless of the type of relationship. Though trust that once a he peaks my interest, pursues, and I’m willing at the moment… the cards will play as dealt.
Anyways, as I candidly share… having feelings hurt over someone I wasn’t with and let alone barely knew is the most ridiculous thing in regard to my book of boy chronicles. Up until that tender time, I never actively looked to be intimately involved, so I wasn’t looking for a relationship. The situation showed me I was ready to be in one again, and that I could actually like someone and wasn’t broken. In all honesty, that’s the true nature of what that situation was—my suppressed desire for intimate partnership coming to the surface via limerence of a flirt who also happened to peak my interest. As well as a precursor to what followed…
I’m a firm believer that when you’re focused on self, at peace & happy… set the intention that you’re open to Union and allow The Most High to continue to prepare the both of you for each other; listen and at the ~well~ we will be.
To get my mind off of it, along with mentally adjusting to the move and the “what am i’s going ta do’s…” I started putting all of my energy back into my channel, coming from a 3-month hiatus since I had the time (and space) to film again in-between searching for another job. This was around holiday time before I started grown-ish lessons after the 2018 new year.
When it came to employment…
As I stated in the 1-year update, I attempted to transfer my Chipotle job when I first moved but kept getting blocked for reasons that I can only say, it wasn’t meant to be. I applied in retail and even for an airline. Nada. I vlogged a lot of what was going on at the time, including the different jobs I was applying for, such as the travel vlogger position and some other places at the mall.
Dave & Buster’s is where I started doing front desk and working as a party server from March 2018 until February 2019 before I decided to desperately move again (I’ll explain more in depth, just keep reading). My experience at D&B was a blast, needless to say. Until, like most jobs… it wasn’t anymore and things started to change. If you followed me on Snapchat at the time, you saw it all as it was happening. I met a lot of new people, made some friends, dropped some and others faded. I even met a special someone who I’m currently building with at the time of writing this 😉
As far as why I moved from Texas, the first time…
Without getting too personal in family business, my people were in the process of moving/already moved, and I was stuck in the middle. Do I stay? The select people I grew close to influenced my decision making process above all else. I thought about staying and getting an apartment, but my initial purpose for this move was to save money to move to Atlanta/Los Angeles, get a place with a roommate or by myself if I could afford it and follow what I wanna do… which would have been to get back into acting classes, audition for roles, continue with YouTube, build a business and transfer my D&B job until I got offered a creative full-time job or work for myself full-time.
I found myself inquiring about open positions at D&B and applied for other jobs when I went to LA for a visit at the top of 2019—just in case. It’s worth mentioning, I got lucky with the type of position I was working at this certain store. All stores, though by the same company, have a different market. My pay would’ve drastically changed elsewhere and doing regular serving wasn’t a skill I could or wanted to fulfill for my own reasonings. I also was getting agitated at the fact that I wasn’t able to pursue entrepreneurial endeavors and with my sporadic living situations, it stressed me out even more.
2019, overall, was a pretty interesting year; highly relective, tumultuous and eye-opening in multiple areas of my life. I got to Atlanta, confused as to what I want or can do in life… all over the place in my head. When I put my therapist cap on, I see why. Like I said earlier in this post, I moved around a lot in my life. I started to show signs of subconsciously craving stability. There was also someone special who came into my life. I took time out of work, living off the money I saved, staying with relatives between 3 different states until I decided to go to Texas and visit the guy I’ve been involved with, which turned into being there longer than anticipated. So, I decided to ship my car out and aimed to find a new job path, which wasn’t a success. By this time, I had been out of work for about 6 months (well-needed by the way for a lot of different reasons). The rest of the year went downhill from there and led to an even more interesting time in my life going into the new year. It was a scary and enlightening period to say the least that I won’t go in to detail on.
Long story short: The timing when my family moved from the state I only ended up in because they were there was at an awkward time of getting fed up with my job, talking to someone but things are still new, filled with ambition + frustration on how to carry out my dreams along with an intense desire to be my own boss with no comfortability or stable living—simultaneously.
Details on the 8-month YouTube hiatus & why the attempted return fell through…
Videos came to a hault after summer 2018 for 8 months until I came back with an update video in May the following year, stating the reason I was away from YouTube was because “I fell in love.” This is true to an extent. My reasoning for not filming has nothing directly to do with that situation, however. I chose to take time away from creating content because I didn’t have privacy due to things that were going on at home. Therefore, I went ahead and put my energy into the foundation of my budding relationship, my extremely fun job, and dealing with the worries I briefly mentioned above, off camera.
During May and June of 2019, I started making content again. After filming that video above, I was ecstatic to get back to YouTube! Brand deals were coming in and I was determined to make it work, regardless. Then the unfathomable happened.
My MacBook of 5 years got water damage. I had to cancel the brand deal I started on and decline the others. Thankfully though, about a month and some change later before I left for Texas in August, my loving mother who spilled water on it 😉 replaced it for me. Then the unfathomable happened again.
How about 3 months later THAT MacBook got water damage, but this time it was my fault (which is debatable). But let me tell you how things work out… because the open box computer we got had a bad battery (we didn’t know that when we bought it) and naturally I procrastinated taking it to the Apple store because the manufacturer warranty wasn’t up yet so I had time. In the end it turned out I didn’t cover for the warranty because it was sold through a store other than Apple whose paper trail was false.
Remember when I said the laptop got water damage? It was more water spilled than the first time. How about when I get to Apple, they were able to turn the computer on. I told them it just stopped coming on lol—aside from the defective battery issue, after water spilled on it, it is true that there were issues getting the laptop to turn on. Long story shortened: I was able to return the defective piece of crap at the retailer I got it from because they messed up on their end anyway. This put me out of a computer again, but blessedly I was able to get a brand new one as a gift by the end of the year during the Holidays.
All of this happened at a time I was aiming to make my comeback to YouTube. Then there was the uncomfortable n unsteady living situation in Texas and sudden back-to-back repairs I had to start getting on Jenn (my first car I got in high school that I’m ever so Blessed to still have).
Recap/What 2020 is looking like at the time of writing this…
2019 ended horribly, therefore 2020 started horribly. As I stated, I won’t be going into detail about it, but I will share that it’s leading me to a beautiful self-transformation.
The reason I couldn’t film has either been because I wanted to wait until I had my own place to create a filming area that’s consistent and pleasing to the eye. Especially after already building an audience, in my mind I’m like: my setup should be getting better not “worse.” As well as either a lack of privacy or in someone else’s space. Although, whenever I could, I still found a way; even if it was in my car. To this day it’s that way, and I’m blessed to say I’m getting back to a better space mentally and stronger spiritually. I decided to leave Texas and started working (these past 2 jobs is another story in itself chile). I’m currently living in a hotel, so that means I have a roof over my head, comfortability where I stay and a bed to sleep in. Oh, and a mission to keep fulfilling. As do you, no matter what you’re going through. Everything is for a reason. Some can be avoided, others are meant to be experienced. Use the wisdom Your Creator gives you, take accountability for your actions and pursue what your heart desires. That’s what flourishing into who you are is all about.
